My guide to predicting the end of the world

Recently, the proportion of people who were prepared to believe in Mayan predictions decreased. Previously, it was 14.7%, with people citing reasons such as "they know an awful lot about astronomy". After Friday, it plummeted to 4.3%, with most people attributing their change of opinion to "well, they made up the bit about the end of the world, so they probably made the rest up too."

I can see many good reasons for predicting the end of the world. If you don't, people ask about events further and further into the future, to the point where you get confused with what you've already predicted. At this point, people will start finding inconsistencies, like "but I though his line had already died during the peanut butter wars" and "that means the high priestess was younger than her grandson when they first reunite the trigrinion."

Also, it's great PR. We've become a lot more aware of the predictions of the Mayans in the last few weeks.

So for all you yet-to-be-famous soothsayers, here are the options:

1. Be vague. "The world will end at some point in the next 284,000 years and will take quite a long time". This might work on one level, but is unlikely to have the PR effect of absolute predictions.

2. Make it really far in the future. "The world will end in the year 2,453,741". This leads to the problem of needing to predict over 2 million years of events, and you'll probably get confused.

3. Get it right. "The world will end in 2356 on September the 11th at 4:53pm Eastern Standard Time." The problem with this is, even if you get it right, there's no advantage. The number of people who believe in your predictions will be zero once the human race has been wiped out. So your in a lose-lose situation.

So here's my favourite option.

4. Incorporate periodicity. "Every 723 years, starting from a week next Tuesday, the great destroyer will visit our world to decide whether all human life should be destroyed."

Any cults that get super rich from this approach might like to send me the odd tenner. Thanks in advance, and apologies for making up the statistics at the top of the page.

Pretty tree

I used to drive past this tree twice a day and admire its shapeliness.

On some days it's brilliantly photogenic. On some days, it looks quite ordinary.

Today was one of its better days, and I had my camera.

Giant's Hole

Our good friend Neil offered to take us and the kids caving. We went to do the first bit of Giant's Hole, which is normally a relatively easy stroll.

It looks like this:

...at least it does when it's dry. When we went down today that pebbly bit at the bottom of the photo was a river. This then ran down the passageway that we walked down and was very noisy and cold and wet.

We managed to get two children crying with cold and/or fear, so it wasn't the best introduction to caving for them. We've vowed to try again when it's warmer and less rainy.

Also... breaking news... we have some more ants. If you remember from one of my previous posts, we have an ant kit where you watch their tunnels through the glass. But after we bought a batch of ants and put them in, we ended up with only about 3 live ones that were very good at hiding. Well, we have some more and are looking forward to complicated underground tunnels.

Here's a pici. It's probably hard to make them out very well, but - take my word for it - the brown bits are ants. I think there are about 5 of them in this shot alone.

Subterranean metropolis - here we come.

Marmalade and chutney

Normally we make lots of jam through the summer months, and have an excess for the winter. This allows us to sell off a good selection at the kids' school Christmas fair.

This year, we've been quite busy with having moved house. It's also been a bad year for fruit, largely due to the lack of sunshine, I think.

But we were keen to have our conserve stall again, so we bought in some fruit and had a big jamming week. We made three types: clementine and cranberry marmalade, apple chutney, and mixed fruit chutney.

We had lots of interest in the stall, including some people who came back after liking the marmalade the previous year. Thankfully, despite my best sales techniques - "it matches your eyes madam", "they're all the rage with the kids" and "two for the price of three" - we still have enough to give some away. Our postman, Ray (who delivers to the new house as well) is a particular fan of the marmalade.

Movember Moel

I have been growing a moustache for almost a month now as part of "Movember". This is to raise awareness of men's health. If you want to learn more, visit my Mo page: http://mobro.co/noelcurtis

It's been quite fun despite people's comments that I look like a:

• Gay biker
• Member of The Village People
• Sex offender
• Porn star

I think this highlights a very stereotyped view of moustaches (especially ones like mine).

I'm intrigued as to the effect of Movember on mainstream society. I think it could go one of two ways.

It could make moustaches associated only with yearly charity activities and hence discourage men from keeping them all year. Indeed year-round moustachioed gents must get annoyed with strangers saying "nice mo", or perhaps less flattering comments similar to the ribbing I've received.

Alternatively, it could make moustaches more socially acceptable and create a new fashion of moustaches like the hirsute heydays of the 70s and the late 1800s. I'm quite looking forward to trying a different style next year.

9 out of 10 kittens prefer...

Here's Cleo showing us what she likes to eat. There were uneaten kitten biscuits in her food dish at the time. Maybe she was just being sociable.

The joy of ants

The kids have got a glass-walled enclosure for keeping and observing ants. We were very excited a few weeks ago to receive our test tube of ants in the post. We released them into the enclosure and expected great things.

Here's a picture of the enclosure now.

Can't see any ants? Take a closer look at the bit of soil we were sent in the post.

You're right, there doesn't appear to be any ants at all.

To be honest the most we've ever seen is two at a time. On reading through the blurb, it confirms that the ants you get sent in the post are not the type that have a queen, so we'll never get any more ants than we have now.

I think we'll need to get another batch of ants.When we do, I'll put a picture on here.